Emotional Intelligence: The Real Superpower They Don’t Teach at School

For years, parents and teachers have been told to heap praise on children to help them grow in confidence. “You’re amazing!” “Well done!” “You’re such a star!” These words tumble out of our mouths almost automatically. But what if that constant stream of reassurance isn’t building confidence at all? What if it’s quietly doing the opposite?

When Praise Disappears, Something Fascinating Happens

A teacher recently decided to test this idea. She stopped giving unnecessary praise. Instead of saying “You did a great job on that writing exercise,” she said, “You’ve completed the writing exercise.” Instead of, “Well done for getting to school on time,” she simply said, “I see you got to school on time.”

At first, this might sound harsh – even robotic. But the result? Astonishing.

The children, deprived of the steady drip of adult praise, began to praise themselves. And then, they started praising each other. They noticed good work, complimented one another, and even took pride in their own achievements without waiting for external approval.

Their emotional landscape began to change.

The Cult of Constant Praise

Over recent decades, the way we nurture emotional intelligence in children has shifted. Our society has grown deeply attached to the idea that constant encouragement equals confidence. We’ve seen it in the “everyone gets a medal” approach to school sports days, and in the way we tell children they’re wonderful simply for showing up.

But what if that approach dulls the very skill we’re trying to develop – emotional intelligence?

When every child is praised for everything, praise loses its power. And worse, it teaches children to depend on it.

True Emotional Intelligence Grows in the Quiet Spaces

When praise is pulled back, children begin to listen inwardly. They become aware of their own sense of pride, their own standards, and their ability to recognise achievement in themselves and others. Emotional intelligence isn’t about needing constant validation – it’s about knowing yourself and connecting with others from a place of inner security.

This subtle shift in the classroom became a mirror for something larger. When adults stop doing all the emotional heavy lifting, children start to lift themselves. They begin to empathise, to encourage, and to express warmth in ways that are genuine, not performed for approval.

Self-awareness and empathy grow not from praise, but from presence.

Reclaiming the Real Superpower

Emotional intelligence isn’t something schools can teach through a worksheet or a reward chart. It’s a quality that blossoms when we allow children to feel, to think, and to respond authentically. The next time you’re tempted to tell your child how brilliant they are, pause for a moment. Notice what happens if you simply acknowledge what they’ve done, and let them feel the quiet satisfaction of knowing it for themselves.

Because the real superpower isn’t praise – it’s emotional intelligence. And that’s something we can all help our children discover, not by talking louder, but by listening better.

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)

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