Self-harm among children and adolescents is a growing concern, with worrying statistics highlighting significant differences between boys and girls in the UK and Ireland. As a parent, it is crucial to understand the factors that drive self-harm, recognise the warning signs, and know how to approach this sensitive issue with your child. In this blog, we will explore the statistics, reasons behind self-harm, gender differences, types of self-harm, and effective ways to initiate conversations with your child.

Statistics on Self-Harm in Boys vs. Girls in the UK and Ireland

Recent studies indicate that self-harm is alarmingly prevalent among young people in the UK and Ireland. According to data from the National Health Service (NHS) and other organisations:

• Approximately 1 in 10 young people in the UK engage in self-harm.
• Girls are more likely to self-harm than boys, with rates about three times higher in females.
• The peak age for self-harm in girls is between 13 and 16 years.
• While boys self-harm less frequently, they are more likely to engage in high-risk behaviours that can result in severe injury or death.

These statistics highlight the urgent need for awareness and intervention to support affected children and adolescents.

Why Do Children and Adolescents Self-Harm?

Self-harm is often a coping mechanism for dealing with overwhelming emotions and stress. Several factors can contribute to self-harming behaviours in young people, including:

1. Emotional Distress: Feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, or loneliness can lead to self-harm as a way to release or manage these emotions.
2. Trauma: Experiences of abuse, neglect, or bullying can trigger self-harming behaviours.
3. Mental Health Issues: Conditions such as depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder are commonly associated with self-harm.
4. Peer Pressure: Social dynamics and the desire to fit in with peers can influence some adolescents to engage in self-harm.
5. Lack of Coping Mechanisms: Inadequate skills to handle stress and emotional pain can lead young people to self-harm as a means of relief.

Gender Differences in Self-Harm

Understanding the differences in how boys and girls experience and express distress can shed light on their self-harming behaviours.

Girls:

• More likely to engage in cutting, scratching, or burning.
• Often self-harm as a way to manage emotions, express inner pain, or gain a sense of control.
• Social media and cultural pressures regarding body image and perfectionism can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy, leading to self-harm.

Boys:

• More likely to engage in hitting themselves or punching walls.
• Tend to externalise their distress through aggressive behaviours or risk-taking.
• Societal expectations around masculinity can discourage boys from expressing vulnerability, leading them to cope through self-harm.

Types of Self-Harm

Self-harm can take many forms, and it is important for parents to be aware of the various ways it can manifest. Common types of self-harm include:

1. Cutting: Using sharp objects to cut the skin.
2. Burning: Using heat sources to burn the skin.
3. Scratching: Repeatedly scratching to the point of bleeding.
4. Hitting: Hitting oneself or objects.
5. Hair Pulling: Pulling out hair from the scalp or other parts of the body.
6. Eyelash Pulling: Repeatedly pulling out eyelashes, which can be a specific form of trichotillomania, often associated with anxiety and stress.
7. Poisoning: Ingesting harmful substances.

Recognising these behaviours early can enable timely intervention and support.

What to Watch Out For

Parents play a crucial role in identifying self-harming behaviours. Here are some warning signs to watch out for:

• Unexplained cuts, bruises, or burns.
• Wearing long sleeves or pants even in hot weather to cover injuries.
• Secretive behaviour or withdrawal from social activities.
• Frequent reports of accidents or clumsiness.
• Changes in eating or sleeping patterns.
• Noticeable mood swings or increased irritability.
• Signs of hair loss, particularly missing eyelashes or bald patches on the scalp.

If you notice any of these signs, it is important to approach your child with care and compassion.

How to Approach the Conversation with Your Child

Talking to your child about self-harm can be challenging, but it is essential to create an open and supportive environment. Here are some steps to guide you:

1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a quiet, private space where you can talk without interruptions. Ensure that your child feels safe and comfortable.
2. Stay Calm and Non-Judgemental: Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Avoid expressing anger or disappointment, as this can cause your child to shut down.
3. Express Your Concern: Gently explain that you have noticed some concerning behaviours and that you are there to support them. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory.
4. Listen Actively: Allow your child to share their feelings and experiences without interruption. Validate their emotions and show that you are listening.
5. Offer Support: Reassure your child that they are not alone and that help is available. Discuss options for professional support, such as therapy or counselling.
6. Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Help your child explore alternative ways to cope with stress and emotions, such as journaling, exercise, or creative activities.

Guiding Your Child to Keep Safe

If your child is self-harming, it’s crucial to guide them on how to keep their wounds clean and safe to prevent infection and further complications. Here are some tips:

1. First Aid: Teach your child basic first aid, such as cleaning cuts with mild soap and water, applying antiseptic, and covering wounds with sterile bandages.
2. Medical Attention: Encourage them to seek medical attention for severe injuries or infections.
3. Health Resources: Provide them with resources and contact information for local health services or support groups.
4. Safe Alternatives: Offer safer alternatives to self-harm, like snapping a rubber band on their wrist, holding an ice cube, or using a stress ball.

Seeking Professional Help

If your child is self-harming, it is crucial to seek professional help. Mental health professionals, such as therapists and counsellors, can provide specialised support and strategies to address underlying issues. As an NLP4Kids practitioner, I offer tailored interventions that help young people develop healthier coping mechanisms and build resilience.

Conclusion

Self-harm in children and adolescents is a serious issue that requires attention, understanding, and intervention. By recognising the signs, understanding the underlying causes, and approaching the conversation with care, parents can play a vital role in supporting their child’s mental health. Remember, seeking professional help is essential in addressing self-harm and fostering a path to recovery. Together, we can create a safer and more supportive environment for our children to thrive.

If you have concerns about your child’s well-being, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional guidance. As an NLP4Kids practitioner, I am here to help you and your child navigate this challenging journey towards healing and growth.

Written By: Nicola McCay – NLP4Kids Practitioner

Email: Nicola@NLP4Kids.org
https://nlp4kids.org/practitioners/nicola-mccay/