I want to delve into how we can create the best environment for our young people, enabling them to thrive and become the individuals we hope they can be. Often, when I meet families, they express various challenges they face with their young person—issues can range from behavioural problems to lack of motivation in studies.

As I’ve interacted with more families, I’ve observed a common tendency to pinpoint external influences that might be shaping their child’s choices. It’s easy to think that a young person’s struggles stem from external factors: perhaps they are at the wrong school, socialising with the wrong crowd, or displaying a bad attitude. While these elements can undoubtedly play a role, I’ve come to recognise that an often-overlooked component influencing a young person’s decisions is, in fact, the relationship they have with their parents or guardians.

Before you react defensively, let me clarify: I am not saying you are to blame for your young person’s behaviour. However, it might be worth examining how our interactions might contribute to their current state. Many young people are aware of making choices that are not in their best interest. During their teenage years, rebellion is typical, and they may react by pushing back harder against guidance or rules. This resistance can create a cycle where parents and guardians respond more rigidly, leading to heightened conflict rather than resolution.

Coaching for parents can play a significant role in breaking this cycle. It’s crucial to consider that young people are remarkably persistent and resilient. If they perceive you as acting consistently in a certain way, they may feel compelled to respond similarly—often in ways that escalate tension instead of fostering growth. Coaching for parents can provide strategies and insights that encourage a more constructive approach.

Sometimes, breaking that cycle means establishing firmer boundaries; other times, it may require us to ease up and adopt a more relaxed demeanour. For instance, I’ve spoken with parents who spend years struggling to get their child out of bed each morning. In one extreme case, a parent refrained from taking drastic measures, such as using a bucket of cold water to wake their child, even after years of unsuccessful attempts. On the flip side, I’ve known parents who are unfaltering in their rules but find that their young person reacts negatively. Rather than doubling down, coaching for parents can help identify when a more relaxed approach might yield better results.

Consider the following: if a young person consistently receives the same predictable responses from their parents, change will only occur if either party alters their behaviour. If your immediate reaction to your child saying they wish to go out is a firm “no,” try a different route. For example, you could express openness to their plans while introducing the necessity of completing specific responsibilities first. Phrasing your response, “I’m okay with you going out, but let’s discuss your revision before that,” can create a space for negotiation rather than dictate a rigid stance.

Remember that change often doesn’t happen overnight. Adjusting your response might not yield immediate results, but persistence is key. By allowing room for dialogue and flexibility in your approach, possibly aided by coaching for parents, you’re more likely to see positive shifts in their behaviour over time.

Creating a positive environment for young people requires patience, creativity, and sometimes a willingness to step outside traditional parenting methods. Emphasising understanding, adaptability, and open communication can lead to a more supportive dynamic, ultimately helping them reach their full potential. Together, through effective coaching for parents, we can inspire the next generation to grow, learn, and thrive in healthier ways.

By Gemma Bailey
www.NLP4Kids.org/gemma-bailey