As parents or professionals, one of the more challenging situations we may encounter is when the teenagers we care about form friendships that we believe are unwise or unhealthy. It can feel incredibly awkward to confront these friendships, especially when our instinct is to protect them from potential harm. Understanding how to approach this situation thoughtfully and effectively can foster better communication and support healthy development, potentially reducing the need for therapy for teenagers in the future.

First and foremost, it’s crucial to acknowledge that teenagers often make friendship choices based on their emotional needs. These choices may stem from a desire for connection, security, or excitement. Even if these friendships appear problematic from our perspective, there is typically a good reason behind the teenager’s decision to form them. Recognising this can help us adopt a more empathetic viewpoint that opens the door for meaningful conversation rather than immediate confrontation.

When faced with a teenager developing a friendship that raises our concerns, our initial response might be to intervene directly. However, this approach can often backfire. Imposing limits or persuading them against these friendships can lead to increased resistance. The adage “what you resist persists” rings true here; the more we push against something, the more determined they may become to pursue it. Instead, we should steer the conversation in a different direction that emphasises understanding rather than restriction.

One effective strategy is to engage the teenager in a discussion about their values, ambitions, and the qualities they seek in friendships. By redirecting the focus from whom they should avoid to what they truly want from their relationships, we can help them evaluate their choices through a lens of their desires and goals. This self-reflection can be empowering—they may realise independently whether their current friendships align with their values and aspirations, which can be a crucial step in avoiding situations that might lead to therapy for teenagers.

Furthermore, recognising the emotional needs that the friendship fulfils can offer additional insights. For instance, does this person provide a sense of certainty, excitement, or belonging? Identifying these needs allows us to understand better what the teenager is seeking in their friendships. With this knowledge, we can offer alternative avenues to meet those needs—perhaps by proposing new activities, introducing them to other peer groups, or encouraging skill development that aligns with their interests.

Additionally, showcasing the positive aspects of healthier friendships can also help. Instead of dismissing their current friends as “bad influences,” we can present attractive opportunities that align with their interests and values. This approach transforms the conversation from one centred on restrictions to one brimming with possibilities, making it more likely that they will gravitate towards better choices willingly, thus reducing the likelihood of needing therapy for teenagers in the future.

It’s also essential to remember that a natural quest for autonomy often characterises the teenage years. This drive can manifest as a rebellion against established norms or authority figures. Rather than viewing this behaviour as disobedience, we should see it as an integral part of their development. Encouraging them to think critically about their friendships ultimately lends itself to a more constructive outcome—not just regarding their social circles but also their ability to make sound decisions. This critical thinking can also serve them well if they ever find themselves seeking therapy for teenagers.

Our approach should be rooted in empathy, open dialogue, and support to guide young people through potentially harmful friendships. By promoting self-reflection, identifying emotional needs, and fostering discussions about values and goals, we empower teenagers to explore their friendships and make choices that align with their best interests. While it may be difficult, stepping back to let them lead the conversation can lay the groundwork for their growth into healthy, self-aware adults. In doing so, we nurture their independence and strengthen the trust and bond in our relationship with them, helping to create a foundation that may prevent the need for therapy for teenagers down the line.

By Gemma Bailey
www.NLP4Kids.org/gemma-bailey