In the therapy clinic, I often encounter children and young people who don’t always exhibit the best behaviour. It’s fascinating to observe how the parents or guardians accompanying them respond to these unwanted behaviours. When we’re in the presence of others, we naturally want to make a good impression and avoid any actions that might reflect poorly on us as parents.

For instance, I’ve noticed instances where a child misbehaves in front of both me and their parent, but the parent doesn’t take much action to address the situation. Instead, they may try to appease the child or negotiate with them in a calm and gentle manner. Perhaps, they don’t want to lose their composure in front of me or strangers in the office.

This tendency to negotiate or pacify can be particularly evident during the Christmas season when friends and family visit, and children are hyped up due to the festivities, sugar intake, and abundance of presents. Rather than addressing their behaviour firmly, parents may be more inclined to negotiate with them.

However, here’s the challenge with this kind of reaction from parents – it simply doesn’t work. Moreover, it doesn’t portray you as someone who can effectively handle the situation. It gives the impression that you’re not confident in your parenting skills, and worst of all, your child picks up on it. As a result, not only will they fail to respond positively, but they will also start pushing boundaries and testing limits in different environments.

In this particular setting, it’s evident that you may not feel empowered to assert yourself, allowing others to take advantage of you. Consequently, you find yourself in uncomfortable situations when your children are around friends or extended family. You’re aware that the kids tend to misbehave because they know you won’t address it firmly.

I may encounter parents who hesitate to establish rules and boundaries. It seems like they’re waiting for me to take charge so they don’t have to be the “bad parent” who disciplines their child. Since they’re in my office, there might be an expectation for me to manage the environment and the situation. While that may be partially true, the ultimate responsibility for their child’s behaviour lies with the parent, not me.

Of course, if I notice a potential danger within the office, like something the child might touch and hurt themselves, I’ll intervene.

Parents, it’s crucial not to let your own embarrassment or awkward emotions hinder your ability to parent effectively and set boundaries. Remember, these boundaries are in place to ensure your child’s safety, not just for behavioural purposes.

If you find yourself feeling extremely uncomfortable with addressing inappropriate behaviour in certain situations, I suggest taking your child aside and informing everyone that you will be back shortly. Find a private spot, which may vary depending on your child’s age and the circumstances, and have a quiet conversation with them. However, it is crucial to be clear that their behaviour and the way they spoke to you in front of everyone was completely unacceptable. Explain that unless they can control themselves, behave appropriately, and treat others with respect in front of friends and family, they will have to leave. Remember, there is no need to humiliate your child in the process.

Occasionally, there may be instances where it is necessary to address their behaviour in front of others to truly make them understand the impact they are having on the entire environment. However, most of the time, you can avoid embarrassing yourself or your child by having these conversations privately. Just make sure that you take on the responsibility of addressing the issue and don’t leave it to someone else.

By Gemma Bailey
www.NLP4Kids.org/gemma-bailey