A couple of weeks ago NLP4Kids went into schools, offering free confidence building workshops in exchange for pupils donating to children in need. Lewis my assistant and I went into Christchurch School where we worked with four classes, years 3 to 6. Each class had over 30 children in and the workshops were performed back to back. So in short we worked with over 120 pupils in the space of four hours!

At the end of each workshops, pupils are encouraged to complete a feedback form, telling us what they enjoyed, what they found difficult and how their NLP4Kids practitioner had performed.

One little girl had written something that really got me thinking.

In the world of NLP and self development, there is a great deal of suggestion that being positive is the best way to be, ALL OF THE TIME!

However this is something that has always irritated me. It is as if we are saying that all emotions other than happiness are damaging in some way or negative. Actually this is not the case. Even anger and sadness have their place. They are a way for us to express ourselves, to release our feelings and to move on. Sometimes they allow us to set boundaries so that we are not taken advantage of. Sometimes they enable us to be aware of stresses or strains we are under that need addressing.

Those who claim to be happy all of the time are repressing the natural spectrum of human emotion. it is unhealthy and unhelpful to always try to be positive.

I remember once saying to some one something like “I’m not sure what will happen but I hope it’s this.” They (being an advocate of positivity and a freshly qualified NLP guru) responded with

“Hope is the currency of those who believe they have already failed.”

I was flabbergasted. The temptation to lie and say “actually my favourite niece is called Hope” was almost too much!

I would never claim to be in a permanent state of positivity in the same way I wouldn’t claim to always be certain about what I am doing or what I want. I think like anger, sadness and uncertainty hopefulness can absolutely have its benefits.

So I’d been thinking about the best way to maintain a good state ins realistic way. I knew that for me at least, being happy all the time would be unwanted and unachievable.

Then as if by magic, a small girl who was about 8 years old, provided me with a remarkable solution in her feedback form following the NLP4Kids meets Pudsey events two weeks ago on Children in Need day.

One of the questions on the form said “what is the most important thing you have learned today?”

Her reply was “That I can be happy everywhere.”

Wonderful! No longer must we feel the guilt of not being happy all of the time. The answer is not to be happy all of the time it even everyday, it’s to be happy everywhere. Which is a much easier task.

By Gemma Bailey
www.NLP4Kids.org/Gemma-Bailey

Gemma Bailey is the director of NLP4Kids, a children’s therapy service that provides teen therapy and child counselling using NLP, a proactive alternative to conventional child psychology. If you are looking for a child counsellor to help your child overcome stress, depression or anxiety related problems or if you wish to book a workshop to help your child improve their mental health call 0203 6677294 or email Gemma@NLP4Kids.orgGemma is based in Hertfordshire and works with clients in and around Hemel Hempstead, St Albans, Watford, Potters Bar, Berkhamsted, North London and Hertfordshire.