Increase Self-Belief in Children – 5 Things You Must Do
Self-belief in children is crucial, as it determines what they think they can and can’t do. A lack of self-belief can limit the things they do or even try to do and it generally leads to poor results. Whereas children with a strong self-belief in themselves will be more empowered to take action and go on to produce better results.
In NLP there is a saying “Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t; you’ll be right”. When a child believes he can perform a task, he is more likely to succeed. And if he fails initially, he will try again and again till he gets it right.
Here are 5 things you must do to increase self-belief in Children.
1) Be a Good Role Model
To increase self-belief in children, we have to set an example first. So be a good role model. A positive, encouraging attitude will greatly benefit a child’s development. Help to nurture a ‘can do attitude’. Your child will then begin to emulate you and their self-belief will increase.
2) Focus on the positives
In life we generally get more of what we focus on. Focus your attention on the positive behaviour and you will get more of it. So rather than focusing on a child’s complaining or inability to share, focus on positive things like their kindness and the effort they put in to achieve something. If we can focus attention on the positive and ignore the negative behaviour we get more of the good stuff. When we acknowledge the positive with them, it will only help to increase their belief in themselves.
Children don’t always necessarily know when they are doing right in life, because typically we only tell them when they are doing things wrong and not when they are doing things right. The more positive feedback we give them, the more they will believe in themselves.
3) Be aware of your language
Children can be very sensitive to things people say about them. Labelling your child as ‘stupid’, ‘clumsy’ or ‘naughty’ is not very positive. Even if it is a panicked response to seeing your child walk out in front of a moving car. Overtime these labels may start to be accepted with a child as beliefs and they don’t tend to change once stuck. If you feel you really have to acknowledge unwanted behaviour, try responding to the action and not the child. “That was a stupid thing to do” rather than “you are so stupid”.
It is better to use praise with your child and the more you do the more they will believe in their abilities to do things. This will help your child to have a more positive attitude towards their studies, other people and other activities they get involved in. Specific and earned praise is a valuable self-belief builder and it’s the practice and the effort that should be the focus of praise. Don’t just say ‘well played’. Tell him it was great how he crossed the ball into the goalmouth to his teammate.
4) Create a powerful vision
Your child can increase their self-belief by developing their vision that they can do their math exam, play in the chess tournament, take the lead role in the play or whatever they need to believe they can do.
Get your child to sit down, close their eyes, and watch themselves behaving decisively, calmly and strongly. This powerful visualization exercise means that your child can learn from themselves, how to be confident, have self-belief, and behave in ways which increases chances of success. Have your child imagine they are viewing themselves on a TV screen. By seeing themselves on the screen will help show your child watching how to act with self-belief. The more your child does this, the more they will find that they will quite naturally start to become like the confident character in the movie.
5) Allow them space to succeed
Recently my friend Steve recalled a time when he noticed that his daughter Freya was reaching for the kitchen towels. It was just out of her reach, but as she was trying she could just manage to touch the paper with her fingertips. It would have been easy for her father to just to get it for her. But, instead he allowed her to persist and he encouraged her to keep going and try a little harder. Her determination paid off and she eventually was successful.
Children need opportunities to demonstrate their competence and feel that their contribution is valuable. At home, that means asking them to help with cooking, setting the table and making beds. Sometimes it is useful to step back and let your child take risks, make choices, solve problems and stick with what they start.
By Nigel Pinto
www.NLP4Kids.org/Nigel-Pinto
This is a clear and concise article that instantly drew me in as you have written in a way that is not overly technical. This means your article will have widespread appeal outside of the NLP community.
You have reminded me of the importance of positive feedback! It’s so easy to react to the negatives in an enthusiastic way and remembering to do that for the positive things is so important too. Thank you!
To improve this article my main suggestion is to avoid using the word “try” so much. It adds a degree of uncertainty in what you are saying. In addition it could be beneficial to share a formal NLP technique instead of attitudinal suggestions as I believe that some are unfamiliar with NLP being as much about attitude as it is about methods. Alternatively you could tell the reader that NLP is in part about attitude and that your article is designed to address this area.
I also note that the link to your individual page on the website does not work. At first I thought this may have been a broken link but upon closer inspection of the site I note that you are not listed as a practitioner. This may be an admin oversight but I would recommend resolving it.
I like your depth of detail, and found this to be a snappy and clear article. It’s a very enjoyable read.
Excellent post! These things are really so simple, so logical – and have such a powerful impact on a person’s development and self value.
All it takes is shifting our mindset from focusing on the negative, to appreciating and promoting the positive.
These five things are really simply but so many parents may not even realise when they use negative language or pass that toy that’s just out of reach. Great article and great advice for parents, guardians and even grandparents to follow.
A great article and all points are just so true when dealing with children. I do a lot of table tennis coaching and when coaching in matches (we have 1 minute after each end) it would be so easy to concentrate on negatives if they have lost an end – do this don’t do that etc. I get them to focus on positives and how well they can play. I can also see these words of wisdom in the classroom when I help to run programmes in Primary schools. Thanks for sharing this
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Nice hints – though I don’t have any children.
There are a few syntactical errors contained within but the message is a strong one.
This article has really piqued my interest and I really appreciate this information
Can I simply just say what a relief to uncover somebody who genuinely understands what they are talking about on the internet. You certainly know how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More people ought to look at this and understand this side of your story. I can’t believe you are not more popular since you most certainly have the gift.
Good information once again. I am looking forward for more updates=)
Thats Great.