My child refuses to go to school – Should I force them to go?
School refusal is a concerning issue that affects many children and families. At its core, school refusal is when a child refuses to go to school or has significant difficulty attending on a regular basis. This can manifest in a variety of ways – a child may outright refuse to get ready for school, they may become extremely anxious or distressed at the prospect of going or they may start coming up with excuses or physical symptoms to avoid attending.
School refusal is distinct from truancy, which involves deliberately skipping school without a parent’s knowledge. With school refusal, the parent is typically aware of the problem and trying to get the child to attend.
The reasons behind school refusal can be complex, but I’ve listed some of the most common factors here:
- Anxiety and Emotional Difficulties
Many children who refuse to go to school do so because they are experiencing significant anxiety, often triggered by the social and academic demands of the school environment. This could be social anxiety, separation anxiety, or generalised anxiety. Some children may also be dealing with depression, trauma, or other mental health issues that make attending school very difficult for them. - Academic Challenges
For some children, difficulty keeping up with schoolwork or fears about failing can contribute to school refusal. They may feel overwhelmed or embarrassed about their academic struggles and want to avoid the situation altogether. - Bullying and Social Problems
Bullying, peer conflicts and difficulties making friends can also be a major factor in school refusal. A child who is being bullied or ostracised by their peers may understandably not want to go to the place where they are mistreated. - Sensory or Developmental Issues
Children with conditions like autism, ADHD or sensory processing disorders may find the school environment overstimulating or confusing, leading to school refusal.
The impact of school refusal can be significant, both for the child and the family. Chronic absenteeism can lead to falling behind academically, which can then worsen the child’s anxiety and make them even more reluctant to attend. This can create a vicious cycle. Socially, the child may become increasingly isolated from their peers. And for parents, dealing with a child who refuses school can be extremely stressful and disruptive to the whole family.
So what can parents do to help a child who is refusing school?
Here are some key steps:
- Identify the underlying issues. Work with your child to understand what is causing their reluctance or fear about going to school. Is it specific classes, social situations, academic pressure? Addressing the root causes is key.
- Validate your child’s feelings. Let them know you understand this is really hard for them and you want to help. Avoid lecturing or punishing, which can backfire.
- Develop a plan. Work with your child, their school and mental health professionals if needed, to create a gradual reintegration plan. This may involve starting with just a few hours a day and slowly building up or having the child enter through a less crowded entrance. Provide lots of encouragement and praise for any progress.
- Seek professional support. If your child’s school refusal is severe or persists, don’t hesitate to get help from a therapist who specialises in school refusal and anxiety in children. NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Therapy can help with this. Contact Cardiff Child Therapy for more information.
- Take care of yourself. Dealing with a child who refuses school can be exhausting for parents. Make sure to build in self-care and get support from other family members, friends or a therapist yourself.
With patience, the right support, and a tailored plan, most children are able to overcome school refusal and get back to regular attendance. The key is addressing the underlying issues head-on and making the return to school a gradual, positive process. It may be a difficult journey, but your child’s success and wellbeing is worth it.
By Natalie Buckland
https://nlp4kids.org/practitioners/natalie-buckland/
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