Conflict among friends is a common issue that can leave parents and professionals feeling caught in the middle. Whether it’s two children who are no longer best friends or a peer disagreement, these situations often create an uncomfortable environment for everyone involved. Here are some effective strategies for managing these conflicts and fostering a more peaceful atmosphere while recognising when therapy for children might be beneficial.

Understanding Your Role
First and foremost, it’s essential to recognise that while you may want to help resolve conflicts, it’s not your responsibility to act as the peacekeeper. Mediation might be in your nature, and creating harmony may benefit your everyday life, especially if you are helping a child or group of children navigate their social dynamics. However, it’s crucial to approach this role with the mindset that the resolution ultimately depends on those involved. If conflicts persist or escalate, it may indicate a need for therapy for children to help them develop better coping strategies and communication skills.

Effective Communication is Key
Conflicts often escalate due to how individuals communicate their feelings and opinions. A common pitfall is the frequent use of the word “but.” Statements that include this word subconsciously diminish the importance of what came before it. For example, if a child says, “I appreciate you, but you always ignore my ideas,” the emphasis shifts entirely to the “but,” overshadowing the initial positive sentiment.
Encourage your children or the individuals involved in the conflict to use “and” instead. This simple change fosters a more balanced conversation. For instance, “I appreciate you, and I feel ignored” validates both sides and promotes understanding. As a mediator, you can model this communication style, prompting both parties to recognise the importance of each other’s feelings. In cases where children struggle to express themselves, it might be helpful to consider therapy for children to improve their emotional expression.

Starting the Conversation
When the individuals agree to meet and discuss their disagreement, it’s crucial to start with something they agree on. This might seem trivial, but shared agreements lay a foundation for constructive dialogue. You might begin with universal statements that relate to their disagreement, such as, “We all want to have fun at recess” or “We both didn’t want this fight to happen.”

Identifying these commonalities shifts the focus from conflict to collaboration. Gradually, you can steer the conversation closer to the issue, ensuring both parties feel heard and respected. For example, discussing it can be a natural next step if they agree that a misunderstanding led to the fight. If the conflict stems from deeper emotional issues, suggest therapy for children could provide additional support.

Guiding Toward Resolution
As the conversation progresses, gently encourage the individuals to articulate their feelings without assigning blame. Instead of saying, “You made me feel bad,” encourage language like, “I felt hurt when that happened.” This framing reduces defensiveness and promotes open dialogue.

Be mindful of the dynamics in the conversation. Ensure that each participant gets equal time to express their feelings. Remind them to reflect on what they hear, reinforcing that understanding each other’s perspectives is crucial for resolution. In some cases, ongoing conflicts may require the intervention of a professional, such as therapy for children, to guide them through the process.

Encourage Empathy
Once both parties have shared their viewpoints, guide them toward empathy. Ask questions like, “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?” or “What would you want if the roles were reversed?” Empathy is a powerful tool that can help children and young adults see the situation through each other’s eyes, paving the way for mutual understanding and healing.

As parents or professionals, navigating conflicts among friends can be challenging. By adopting effective communication strategies, fostering an environment of shared understanding, and encouraging empathy, you can help guide children through their conflicts. Ultimately, these approaches not only resolve immediate issues but also equip young individuals with the tools they need to handle future conflicts. If conflicts persist or escalate, do not hesitate to seek therapy for children to provide them with the additional support they may need.

By Gemma Bailey
www.NLP4Kids.org/gemma-bailey