What if I told you that the very words you use to comfort a child or reassure a parent… might be the thing that’s actually fuelling their anxiety?

This isn’t about tone. It’s not about facial expressions. It’s about words—single ones, seemingly harmless phrases—that nudge the brain in the wrong direction and send the nervous system into alert mode.

**Words That Worry: How Language Becomes the Problem**

Every day, I hear well-meaning people say things like:
“Are you worried about going back to school?”
or
“Don’t be scared—you’ll be fine.”

They sound like support, but they embed the idea that worry is normal, expected—even necessary.

Now compare that with:
“How are you feeling about going back to school?”
Or better still:
“Are you feeling comfortable about going back to school?”

These tiny tweaks change the emotional direction.

🧠 The words we use shape the emotions they’ll choose. 🧠

If you’re part of a coaching franchise that works with children, you need to hear this clearly: your language isn’t just reflective—it’s instructive. It builds the model of the world your young clients will carry with them.

*“Confidence isn’t a jump. It’s a journey. Start with what’s wobbly, not what’s strong.”*

Let’s say a child is already using worry-based language. You don’t want to mirror it—you want to nudge it. But here’s the mistake: many coaches try to flip the coin entirely. From Worry ➝ Confidence.

That leap is too far. It can backfire.

Instead, break it down like this:
1️⃣ “I know it’s on your mind.”
2️⃣ “Sounds like you’re feeling a bit wobbly about it.”
3️⃣ “Everyone feels that way sometimes before going back.”
4️⃣ “It’s actually a good thing to care how it goes.”
5️⃣ “It’s normal to wonder what it’ll be like.”
6️⃣ “You might find you feel more comfortable as it gets closer.”
7️⃣ “Confidence is easier than it seems.”
8️⃣ “You’re looking way more confident already.”

This is what coaching in a coaching franchise is really about—bridging the gap between problem and possibility one gentle step at a time.

**Physiology First: Feel Your Words**

Want to know if your language is adding to someone’s anxiety? Try it on.

Say the phrase out loud. See what happens in your body. Did you feel a tightness? A hesitation? Did your shoulders rise or your breath catch?

If you feel it, they definitely will. And children—more than adults—are experts at tuning into what’s unsaid but strongly felt.

This is why we train our NLP4Kids practitioners not just in the what of language, but in the feel of it. When you’re part of a coaching franchise, your success is not just about delivery—it’s about deep understanding. The words you choose will either open doors or slam them shut.

**Don’t Mistake Compassion for Empathy**

Here’s a tough but essential truth: compassion is not empathy.

Empathy is standing beside them in their emotion. Compassion is understanding their emotion and guiding them to somewhere better.

We can’t afford to wallow with our clients. It doesn’t help them.
They don’t need us to feel with them.
They need us to lead them out.

So choose your words carefully. Try them on. Shift them gently.
Because language is not just communication—
It’s transformation.

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)

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