“I don’t know” is an ignorance.

But what if it isn’t? What if “I don’t know” is actually a doorway — a signpost pointing towards curiosity, rather than a dead end?

This is a pattern I’ve seen many times over the years, both as a coach and a trainer. When a child sits in front of you, shoulders shrugging, eyes downcast, and offers nothing but that frustrating phrase — “I don’t know” — it can feel like trying to have a conversation with a locked door.

**The Hidden Message Behind “I Don’t Know”**

Practitioners often tell me how helpless they feel in these moments. They say, “It’s like the child’s shutting me out,” and that’s when rapport begins to slip away.

But in truth, that phrase isn’t defiance. It’s defence. “I don’t know” is a child’s way of saying, “I can’t access the answer you’re asking for right now.” They’re not refusing to think — they’re momentarily lost in the fog of their own internal world.

And it’s here, in this fog, that we as NLP practitioners have the power to shift things. We don’t need to force clarity. We can *teach children how to translate confusion into curiosity.*

🧠 *“I don’t know” isn’t a full stop — it’s an invitation to explore the unknown.*

**How NLP Helps Children Find Their Own Answers**

In my own NLP training, one of the first things I was taught to ask in response to “I don’t know” was: *“What would happen if you did know?”*

It’s a deceptively simple question, but one that bypasses resistance and gets the imagination firing. For open-minded children, it’s often enough to unlock something powerful. Suddenly, you’ll see their eyes flick upward as if they’re downloading the missing file from their subconscious.

There are other ways to open that same door. You can ask, “Do you know anyone who does know? And what do you think they know?” That second question is gold. It lets the child borrow perspective — a technique that gently bypasses fear of being wrong by shifting focus to someone else.

But sometimes, it’s not the question that needs to change — it’s the *channel* of the question. “I don’t know” is a very *heady* response, all logic and no feeling. That’s why it’s often helpful to move away from thinking altogether and instead guide the child into *feeling*.

**From Thought to Feeling — Finding the Real Answer**

Instead of demanding an intellectual answer, you can meet them where they are. Try saying:
“It’s okay that you don’t know. I don’t know either. But what kind of feeling does that give you? Where is that feeling in your body? If that feeling had a colour, what colour would it be?”

These feeling-based questions bypass the analytical brain and move into sensory experience — and this is where transformation starts.

Because once you’ve helped a child recognise *how* they feel, they can begin to *name* it, *understand* it, and ultimately *shift* it.

*The moment a child learns to replace “I don’t know” with “I get a sense that…” — that’s the real breakthrough.*

**Helping Children Turn Confusion into Curiosity**

Over the years, I’ve learned to do this myself. When I catch my brain whispering “I don’t know,” I’ve trained it to follow up with phrases like:
“I get a sense that…”
“The feeling that’s coming to me is…”
“The word that’s popping into my mind is…”

These gentle prompts loosen up the rigidity of thought and invite creative exploration — exactly what children need.

In a **coaching franchise** setting, this technique becomes invaluable. It’s not just about teaching children coping strategies — it’s about modelling curiosity, patience, and self-trust. When practitioners learn to navigate confusion with grace, they become the bridge that connects uncertainty to insight.

*Confusion isn’t the enemy — it’s the soil curiosity grows from.*

So next time you hear “I don’t know,” pause before you push for more. Smile. That’s the doorway. Step through it with compassion, and you’ll find that curiosity waiting on the other side — ready to bloom.

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)

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