You only get one chance to make a first impression – and when it comes to your child’s mental health support, that first impression doesn’t begin with us.

It begins with you, and the way you explain what’s happening.

When Help Feels Like a Punishment

Sometimes, by the time a young person walks into our therapy room, the damage has already been done. Not by anything dramatic, but by subtle language choices. A wrong word here, a hesitation there, a question phrased as fear rather than confidence.

When children are booked in for sessions with an NLP4Kids practitioner, we often don’t know what’s been said at home to get them here. We provide clear guidance to parents in our onboarding materials, but let’s face it – in moments of nervousness, even the most loving parents can slip up.

And those slip-ups matter. A lot.

A child who feels “sent for fixing” is more likely to feel judged, resistant, and anxious – before they’ve even stepped through the door.

Why the Words You Choose Are Everything

Let me tell you a quick story. A mum brought her son in for a consultation recently. He was apprehensive, but cooperative. Polite. Engaged. Chatty. It was going really well. At the end, I explained the process moving forward: sessions would be one-to-one, mum would wait outside, and we’d meet afterwards to share notes.

Then she turned to him and said, “Will you be okay with that?” 😬

Just like that, the energy shifted. It was no longer a confident statement of reassurance. It became a nervous question loaded with doubt. And now, the child had been handed a silent message:

“This might be scary. You might not be able to cope. You’re the one in charge here, and I’m worried.”

When anxiety is modelled by the adult, it gives children permission to fear something they hadn’t even questioned yet.

If she’d simply said, “You’ll be okay with that.” (full stop, not a question mark), it would’ve sounded like a certainty. An instruction. A show of calm leadership. A showing of faith. And that moment might’ve preserved the child’s momentum into future sessions. But instead, the power to decide – and all the worry that came with it – landed on his small shoulders.

The Power of Consent and How to Use It Wisely

There’s another side to this, too. We must have a child’s genuine agreement to work with them – it’s called Gillick Competency. This means that no matter how concerned a parent is, if a child doesn’t understand why they’re coming or doesn’t agree to participate, we cannot proceed.

Therapy isn’t something we “do to” a child. It’s something we do with them. Which is why how you frame it matters so much.

Here’s what works:

✅ “This is going to help you feel more confident.”
✅ “You’ll get to talk about things that are hard to explain at home.”
✅ “It’s something just for you – to help you feel better.”

And what doesn’t:

❌ “Because you’ve been acting out.”
❌ “To fix your behaviour.”
❌ “Let’s see if they can sort you out.”

Children who feel empowered to take part in therapy are more likely to engage, open up, and improve.

Our Coaching Franchise Doesn’t Just Support Children – It Supports Parents Too

Every NLP4Kids practitioner in our coaching franchise is trained not just in NLP techniques, but in how to build trust with both child and parent. We know that success starts before the first session – and that language is one of the most powerful tools we can all use to foster safety and certainty.

That’s why our coaching franchise prioritises communication at every level: from the way we onboard families, to how we follow up after sessions, to the guidance we give parents in difficult moments.

So, if you’re thinking of bringing your child for one-to-one sessions, take this as a friendly but firm nudge:

Check your words. Watch your tone. Speak with confidence. Because when you do, your child will borrow that confidence from you – until they’ve built their own.

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)

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