What do you do when someone talks about you behind your back? When you hear the whisper, see the glance, or feel the sting of being quietly excluded?

It’s a question I ask a lot in my work with children. Especially the ones who are feeling small, targeted, or overwhelmed by the louder, sassier kids around them. And the story I’m about to share is one I tell them often – because even as adults, we remember the moments that made us feel like the underdog.

The Three Choices Every Underdog Has

When a child feels left out, picked on, or mocked, they usually default to one of three responses:

They get upset.

They pretend to ignore it.

They confront it.

And here’s the twist – a lot of children think they’re doing option two, when really they’re still stuck in option one. On the outside, they’re “fine.” On the inside, they’re crushed.

But what if we could help them reach option three – the brave, uncomfortable, totally worthwhile option of confronting it? That’s where change begins. And I know that from experience.

The moment you decide to speak up – even with a shaking voice – is the moment you teach yourself that you’re worth defending.

The Day I Stopped Being the Quiet One

Years ago, I worked as a nanny. I was part of a group called a “nanny circle” – we’d meet up with other nannies and their little ones, a kind of professional playgroup.

There were two particularly boisterous girls in the group. Loud. Blunt. Confident. Not my cup of tea. When they were around, I’d shrink back into myself. I was quiet, introverted – a bit of a mouse, if I’m honest.

One day, it was one of their birthdays. Everyone in the group contributed £10 in a card as a collective gift. I was away on holiday, so someone kindly added my name to the card, sealed it up, and I planned to hand over my £10 at the dinner.

When the birthday girl opened the card and counted the money, she whispered (loudly) to her friend: “There are ten names, but only £90. Someone didn’t put their money in.” I heard it. And I knew it was aimed at me.

My heart was pounding. My brain was screaming, “Stay quiet!” But I didn’t.

I reached under the table for my purse, and said – quivering voice and all – “Excuse me. It’s my money that’s missing. There’s a reason why. I was away. But here it is now.”

You could hear a fork hit a plate. Silence. Suspense. Shock.

When You Speak Up, People Pay Attention

She denied saying anything. Right to my face. I calmly said, “I saw you. I heard you. Don’t lie.” Then I passed over the money, tucked into my food, and shook like a leaf inside. But something incredible happened.

A few days later, someone from the group told me the girl had admitted what she said. And more than that – everyone in the group was stunned… not by her behaviour, but by mine. Because I’d broken a pattern. I’d said: “Not today.”

That moment – as small as it seemed – became a turning point in my confidence. It said to me: You are someone worth standing up for.

How Our Coaching Franchise Helps Children Find Their Voice

This is the kind of shift we work on inside the NLP4Kids coaching franchise. Our practitioners help children move from powerlessness to self-worth – not by teaching them to shout, but by teaching them when (and how) to speak.

Every child has these three options. Get upset. Pretend it doesn’t hurt. Or confront the issue with grace and strength. And our job – whether as parents, teachers, or practitioners – is to help them choose the third option, when the time is right.

If you’re already doing this work, or if it’s the kind of impact you’d love to be making with children, our coaching franchise gives you the tools, structure, and support to do it well.

Because these stories aren’t just therapy sessions. They’re turning points. And sometimes, it only takes one brave moment – one small sentence – to tell the world: “Don’t mess with me.”

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)

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