Have you ever felt that cold silence from your child – the one where they stop opening up to you, where conversations dry up, and you’re left wondering if you did something wrong? It can feel like rejection, and rejection from your own child cuts the deepest. But what if it isn’t rejection at all?

Why Children Stop Talking

The first thing to know is this: when your child pulls back, it isn’t necessarily because of you. It often happens when young people start to see the world – and you – differently. They begin to question old stories they once accepted without hesitation, like Father Christmas or the Tooth Fairy. And in that same moment, they begin to question you.

Where they once saw a superhero who could fix anything, they now see a fallible human being. That realisation can sting for them, and it can sting for you too. But this shift is part of their development, not a verdict on your worth as a parent.

Your job isn’t to prove them wrong, it’s to remain consistent. That’s the true superhero skill of parenting.

The Evolution of Belonging

Children don’t grow in straight lines, they grow in loops of connection and separation. From the toddler who shouts “no” at everything, to the school-age child desperate to be part of the family tribe again, and then to the teenager who suddenly seems more loyal to their friends than to you – these cycles are normal.

This is not your child abandoning you. It’s your child rehearsing independence, testing who they are outside of you. Their silence is often less about rejection and more about practice. Practice in becoming their own person.

The Shift in Communication

As children mature, so does their communication style. Language isn’t just about words, it’s about processing, interpreting and making sense of the world internally as well as externally. During adolescence, this is all being rewired.

When your child seems unwilling to engage, it may not be because they don’t care, but because they haven’t yet worked out how to say what’s inside. To them, your questions may sound patronising or intrusive, especially if your style of conversation hasn’t evolved at the same pace as theirs.

This is where many parents accidentally trip up – trying harder, pushing harder, only to make the silence louder.

Staying Steady When They Pull Away

What they need from you is consistency. A calm presence that doesn’t beg for connection, but makes connection possible. Keeping things lighthearted, casual, and steady gives them space to return when they are ready.

Think of it this way: if you become over-invested and needy in your attempts to talk to them, you reinforce their belief that you are “less than” – someone clinging, not someone secure. But when you hold steady, they recalibrate, and over time, they will come back.

And if you feel like you’re fighting a losing battle, know this: our work at NLP4Kids exists to help parents and children bridge these communication gaps. That’s why our coaching franchise has been built – to give families like yours tools that actually work. Because silence doesn’t have to mean disconnection.

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)

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